Landlocked

Blink your eyes. That's how quickly everything changes.

Yesterday started off in spectacular fashion. I got up early after an actual restful nights sleep (which for those who know me know how rare that is). I got in a great shower, packed my bathing suit into my carry-on for the trip, and decided to treat myself to breakfast at the Carnegie Deli. While there I had an awesome convo with my mom and decided to go shopping for the baby with her the Tuesday I got back because things were going so well.

I was on cloud 9 when I got back to my hotel. Using the bathroom, I got into a bit of a coughing fit (that pesky July cold again) and before I could thank God for protecting my baby, noticed bright red blood on the toilet paper. I took a few deep breaths, called Kristina to get a hospital recommendation, tried getting a hold of Jesse, grabbed my purse, then a cab, and headed to the hospital.

I was bawling hysterically in the cab, called my mom again, and was told to get my act together - stress is no good for the baby. Luckily, Amie got to the hospital almost immediately after I did so I didn't have to do this day alone.

Then the waiting began. I was at the hospital for 8 hours, most of which, freezing in a tiny hospital gown, waiting for answers. My friends could not have been better people that day. They held my hand, made me laughed, cried with me, and kept my mom and Jesse well informed of every step along the way. I cant' say I was terribly impressed with any of the doctors at the hospital, but at least we finally got somewhere.

One of the most nerve racking points of the entire process was during the almost 30-minutes long ultra sound process. When we had our first ultra sound last Friday, the technician talked us through everything we were seeing from the yolk sack, to the heartbeat, to everything in between. Here, the screen was turned away from me, and they told me over and over again that they couldn't tell me anything.

In the end, results were mixed. Baby was still where she was supposed to be, HcG was at 22,000 (which is good),but the heart rate was on the low side for 6-weeks at 92 bpm, 10 bpm lower than Friday. Additionally, because of my O negative blood type I had to get (a rather painful) shot of RhoGAM to prevent my body from making antibodies that could complicate a future pregnancy.

I also had the make the easy but upsetting decision to cancel my trip. Despite the trauma of the day, I was able to discharge myself, get back to the hotel (which was the most understanding place ever and didn't charge me a dollar for checking out 4 hours late), then to grand central and onto a train to Stamford, CT. My parents picked me up from there and brought me to their house where I was reunited with Jesse.

Now, what? I'm trying to rest and not do too much worrying. That's really hard. Especially while I'm waiting to hear back from my doctor (who still hasn't called me back, I'm not impressed). My discharge papers said my chances of carrying this baby to term is down to 50%...but I'm not sure how accurate that is. I'm scared. I love this baby so much already, I just can't imagine my life without her.

More updates when I hear from the doctor. Until then, my sincere gratitude to Jesse, Laura, Amie, Kristina, Courtney, my amazing parents, and my in-laws for everything you did to get me through yesterday.

Now we wait. And pray.